Friday, January 30, 2009

Furry Family Members

I love reading everyone's answers to our questions. I really appreciate ya'll playing along and keeping me occupied during this damn TWW. Today's question is about the families we build and exercise our nurturing instincts on. They give us unconditional love and bring joy to our lives. I'm sure many of you have had people ask you stupid questions like "well what will you do with your pets when the baby comes?" Uh, love them, feed them and continue taking them on weekly trips to the dog park? Isn't that what M0by's, Bj0rns, Erg0s and the like are for? Keeping your hands free for leashes. :)

Question #3:
Do you currently have any pets or is there an animal who has a special place in your heart? 

Our answer:
Boy do we ever! We have 3 dogs, 2 cats, 2 rats and a fish tank. No we are not "getting rid" of any of them. They're our family.

Bradley was my first dog as an "adult". I adopted him out of the local pound when he was about a year old. Now he's 12 yrs old and still going strong. He's a big lug and I love him. :)

Ripley was brought in as an abuse case to the vet clinic I used to work for. She was seizing, suffering from heat stroke, a major parasite infestation, an ulcerated cornea and malnutrition. I nursed her back to health for a month. No one could believe she survived. She was only 3lbs, but what a fighter. Now she's a 10lbs 9yr old and still as feisty as ever.

We've only had Keagan for about a year. When I saw him at the adoption center I just knew we had to have him. This guy is a wire-coated clown and the best snuggler anyone could ever hope for. At 2 1/2 yrs old, he's the baby and a spoiled brat at that!

Cairo is another vet clinic adoptee. 7yrs ago, she was brought in as a stray and after calling 14 other vet clinics, every animal control and adoption center in the area, Sphynx rescue and posting "found kitty" signs, no one came to retrieve her. How do you misplace a hairless cat and not notice?? Our best guess is that she's around 13 or 14yrs now. She's a heat seeking missle and wins the heart of everyone who meets her. 

Escher is 9 and originally belonged to my sister. When she moved in with me, the cat came with her, when she moved out, the cat stayed. Fine by me, she's a real sweetheart. She often plays with Keagan but pretends not to if she sees you watching. She'll stop and lick her paw or yawn until she thinks your attention is elsewhere. Then start up with him again. It's hilarious. She's a total closet dog lover.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Tall, Dark & Sarcastic Seeks Same

Trina didn't have any pain today although she says she still doesn't feel quite normal. All this pain and worry will be worth it if our egg(s) are starting to look like the picture to the right. We're both trying to stay upbeat and hopeful for this two weeks of waiting. No point in guarded optimism or all out pessimism now, it won't make it any easier  if this try was a bust. So multiply on little cells, make me some twins! :) Now for the question of the day.

Question#2: How or why did you choose your donor? Looks, personality, availability, a little of each?

Our Answer:
Trina and I decided to go with an anonymous donor for two reasons. Firstly and probably most importantly, we couldn't think of anyone we knew that would be willing. That makes for an easy choice. I also worried that if we did choose a known donor, that things would be too complicated. There were so many "what if's" in my mind. What if it was so awkward that our present relationship was strained? What if he decided he wanted more to do with my child than we had agreed on. What if people thought of him as the dad, not just the donor. When would we tell our child who their bio-father is? Would we tell anyone else before then? So anonymous donor land here we come.
We chose our donor by looking for someone who would best represent me, the non-bio mom, genetically. Our donor is tall, thin, has dark hair and blue eyes like yours truly. That's where we started our search. Then we looked at personality. His is very similar to mine in that we have the same favorite animal in the zoo, we had both recently read the same book and his sense of humor is not unlike mine. I really liked that part of his personality was unlike mine, but in a good way. He is said to have great patience. I couldn't have less patience if I tried, but I wouldn't try because I don't have time for that crap. :) It went even further than that. His father is built like my father. His sister played the same instrument in band as my sister. He's an animal lover and a respecter of nature. We had a similar story of childhood shenanigans. All in all he's alot like me, but with sperm. Expensive, make-my-wife-wanna-die-from-cramps-and-nausea inducing, baby makin sperm.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Passing Time In The TWW

Still not exactly sure what cause the "reaction" to this IUI, but Trina is slowly starting to feel better. She's still cramping off & on, has some pinkish discharge and is very tender, though. Against my advice, she decided to go to work on Tues. Unfortunately, when she was getting ready for her shift, she realized that her abdomen was still too tender for her to button her baggiest pants. Luckily, the first time we were pregnant she bought a Be11a Band on a whim. She put it on to hold up her britches with slightly less pain than trying to button up. 

Feb 9th marks the end of our TWW. To make time fly, we decided to steal, then morph the "question a day" idea from our fellow bloggers. Instead of you suggesting questions for us to answer, we're going to ask a question to be answered by you. We'll answer it ourselves as well. That way we can all get to know each other a little better. 

Question #1:
What, if any, non-medical practices do you take part in to help nudge your TTC journey towards a favorable end? These can be good luck charms, religious or superstitious rituals, basically anything symbolic that you find yourself doing to tip the scale in your favor.

Our Answer:
This is kind of a funny thing for us. Neither of us think of ourselves as religious or superstitious in any way,  but I've noticed that we have been adhering to certain practices because, frankly, it can't hurt and it's kind of fun. I attribute our behavior to how completely useless we tend to feel with this whole ordeal. We do everything right in the way of nutrition and timing and fertility meds, but really, it comes down to a point where there isn't a thing we can do. That being said, here's what we've been guilty of doing just in case it helps.

At the first two IUI's, Trina wore a "tree t-shirt" that she had. The tree symbolizes life and family to us so it just seemed to fit. For Xmas following our miscarriage, I bought Trina a new tree t-shirt to wear to our future IUI's. I thought that a fresh t-shirt for our fresh start would be nice, but I now realize it may also be that I wanted one that wasn't tainted by our earlier tries and subsequent heartbreak. 

For the due date of our little lost one, I bought Trina and myself matching fertility/pregnancy necklaces from LaBelleDame. I haven't taken mine off. Not once, not to shower, not to wear another necklace, not for anything. The strange part is that I wear it inside my shirt. No one knows it's there but me.  I actually figured this out when someone commented on how pretty it was and I immediately said "Oh, I didn't realize it was out" and tucked it away. How strange that I was keeping a subconscious secret.

Thirdly, when we were visiting the Tx Ren Faire this year we came across a vendor selling necklaces with vials of scented oils and 2 charms hanging off them. We thought that they'd be cute air fresheners for our new cars. Hers has a tree charm and a fertility goddess charm, mine has a sea turtle charm (a symbol of our marriage) and a fertility goddess charm. Hard to miss the theme there, Marriage-Fertility-Family. At least this one was done consciously and in a fun way. :)

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

No Backsplash

Yesterday afternoon we had our 3rd IUI. Our first 2 were so long ago it practically felt like the first time. Everyone was very nice this go round. The "sperm folks" called as soon as the swim team was ready, the nurse escorted us to a room almost immediately, the doc came in and marveled at our chart cracking jokes about "perfect timing" and twins. The insem itself was very quick and nearly painless. Trina only flinched when he found the top of her uterus. Doc said you normally see a tiny bit of backsplash when you push the plunger in, but not this time. Every one of our guys stayed in the uterus, no escape artists "splashing back" through the cervix. We couldn't be happier. Everything was going so well. This should have clued me in, our life is never that easy.
Trina was still laying on the table for the mandatory "after insem horizontal rest" when the cramping started. The nurse popped in and told us our time was up, we could go and I informed her we were gonna hang out til the cramps subsided. She shot Trina a glance and said to take our time, they didn't need the room. Now Trina was on her side moaning a bit. I put my hand on her thigh. Trina asked me not to touch her. I was worried, so when she moaned again I rubbed her back. This did NOT make her happy. Then the cramping dulled, she rolled onto her back and apologized for snapping at me. I was just glad the pain was starting to go away. Suddenly she said "I don't feel well, I'm going to throw up" then "I NEED PANTS!" I grabbed her pants and barely got them on her before she was out the door. We got halfway down the hall to the bathroom before she leaned against the wall and sort of slid down it. The pain was back. She stayed there for a minute and I was really stating to worry. Then she shot up and was stumbling to the restroom, but it was occupied so she ducked into the nearest exam room and puked in their sink. She looked so sick, kind of green. I got a cool rag to put on her neck. The restroom was now open so she went in there to clean up. When she came out she was white as a sheet. I was scared to death, she was very close to passing out. We went back into the exam room we hijacked. I tried to help her get on the table, but she wanted to lay on the cool tile floor. She was slurring and mumbling saying things like her hands were heavy, she was going to pass out and that she was hot. She was still in a lot of pain. A nurse brought us a glass of ice water and I kept cool rags on her forehead or the back of her neck depending how she was positioned. It was hard to remember not to stroke her hair or run my hand down her arm. She did NOT want to be touched. I felt so useless. We stayed on that floor for about 45 min. Finally the pain subsided, she got some color back in her face, her arms got less "heavy" and she cooled off. We stayed in there for a few more minutes just to be sure and then made our way to the lobby. I left Trina in a comfy chair while I went to check out, but she didn't stay put, a few minutes later she was next to me saying she was cold. She still didn't have her normal color back and she was covered in goosebumps. I bought her a juice at the cafe downstairs hoping that raising her blood sugar would help. She insisted she could make it to the car instead of me going up and brining it around. I laid the seat all the way back and put my jacket over her.  She thanked me for taking such good care of her and apologized for yelling at me every time I touched her. Then she fell asleep and stayed asleep the whole hour ride home. By the time we got there, her color was normal and she was not in any major pain. 
I was so happy to be home safe with my wife. I made a nice dinner and we snuggled on the couch watching movies all night. It was a very nice ending to a dramatic day. 

                                                                Swim Team #3

                                                              Pre IUI Giddiness

                                                                Boys Deployed

                                                      Starting To Feel The Pain

Sunday, January 18, 2009


Today is the last day of Cl0mid. Insemination is right around the corner. I am continually surprised at how excited I am. I was truly worried that after the heartache of the miscarriage, then our first and only BFN and then our LOONG break from all that is TTC that this try and the ones to follow would be tainted with worry, doubt and anxiety.  Not so, or at least not yet. I'm feeling nothing but hope for our quickly approaching  third IUI. I'm grappling with the instinct to filter this happiness. To look at it through a film of reality to make the probable let-down a little softer. Who doesn't want to save themselves a little grief, right? But then I think of all those times over our 6mos break that I agonized about my ability to ever be that person with the bullet-proof optimsm that I was as an invincible first-time IUI'er. I wondered how much of my innocence died along with my first baby. So there it is, against the advice of my protective instincts, I'm trying to feel nothing but elated that my wonderful wife and I are going to try to make our family a reality in less than a week.  I have enough worry in my life, why can't this ONE thing be as beautiful and as inspiring as it was meant to be. We deserve this. We all do. 

Saturday, January 10, 2009


Today is CD1. Trina's body seems to know what we have in store for it this month. Her periods have a tendency to be finicky and it's not uncommon for her to spot for days or even a week before really starting. This can make charting somewhat tricky. Not this cycle though. She spotted for one day, had a huge temp drop and then cue the massive cramps and such. :) She barely even wanted to choke me to death when I jokingly told her that the severity of her symptoms was a good thing, that her uterus was spring cleaning for our upcoming IUI. I actually got a little smile out of her after she succumbed to my gentle ribbing. Of course, in full Robbie style, I didn't stop there. Her smile became a glare when I told her that all of the pain and discomfort was just a celebration of her womaness. She couldn't hold a grumpy face for long though, I'm too cute and we're both truly happy that this cycle has at least started out looking positive. Let's hope the good luck continues. :)

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Trina's 30th B-Day

It's official, my wife is no longer "in her twenties". Her 30th B-Day party was a blast and a good time was had by all. :)