Tick Tock

Last month Trina and I decided we're ready to start trying to conceive again. It was a happy conversation filled with hope of a Christmas-made baby. Then I started looking at her charts and counting calender days. Uh oh. She was set to ovulate ON Christmas or at least darn close. Our Dr's office was going to be closed from the afternoon of the 24th until the 29th. Trina cried. After all of these months of self imposed waiting,  the thought of letting another cycle pass us by was too much to bare.

Dec has been rough. Both friends and family have given birth to beautiful babies. Our due date came and left. I had a minor breakdown standing on my porch watching it snow in my area of Texas for only the second time in 12yrs. Something about watching the fragile, little, awe-inspiring flakes hit the ground and disappear unraveled me. Symbolic much? We battled through Christmas day trying hard not to give in to the "this would have been our baby's first Xmas" thoughts that buzzed around constantly. It didn't help that the fertility monitor read "high" Christmas morning. She peaked on the 26th and there was nothing we could do about it. 4 more weeks... Tomorrow my wife turns 30. She NEVER imagined she'd turn 30 before becoming a mother. It's been a hard realization to face. Her baby clock is ticking so loudly it keeps me up at night. 4 weeks isn't THAT long, right...?