We went in on Friday for WeeMan's echo and to possibly talk to the cardiologist again about surgery. Trina's mom is in town so we both got to go to the appointment. When the tech came to take us back I thought "Hmmm, she looks familiar". This would not be surprising considering how long he spent in the hospital and how many people have worked on him. She seemed a little snippy, but I didn't think too much of it. Not everyone has my winning personality. :) As she was starting the echo we had a very, um, interesting conversation.
Her: "Hey little guy, remember me? I've done several of his echos, in fact I think I did his first one"
Me: "Oh yeah? He was SO small back then. Can you believe how big he's gotten" *beaming with pride*
Her: "Yeah, he WAS small. You have two others right?" *watching the screen and wanding his chest*
Me: "We sure do. He's got two brothers at home with their grandma right now"
Her: "I couldn't believe he was all by himself a few times when I went up to CVICU. I thought to myself 'Man I can't believe this little guy doesn't have any family. He's so cute.' I asked the nurse if he was a CPS case because I wanted to take him home."
Me: *jaw literally hanging open*
Her: "The nurse said she didn't think his mommies would appreciate that and told me he was a triplet so that why you weren't with him all the time." *still looking at the screen*
Me: *shocked silence*
Her: "One of his brothers was still at the other hospital then, is he home now?"
Me: "Uh, um, yeah. They only spent 2 and 3 weeks in the hospital. It was really rough in the beginning when we had them in separate hospitals, then we had one here, one at Woman's and one at home. Not to mention Trina had complications that landed her back in the hospital. We were certainly spread a little thin. *thinking "Why am I explaining myself to this woman???"*
Her: "I just felt so bad for him being all alone. We have so many CPS cases come through here. I'd just take them all home with me if I could. It's so sad when they don't have anyone who cares about them"
Me: "Uh, yeah" *looking at Trina in disbelief*
Her: "OK, I think I have some good shots. let me go show them to the doctor to see if he wants any more" *walks out*
Trina: "Wow, she just couldn't let that go could she."
Me: "Nope, she made it pretty clear what terrible, neglectful parents we are..."
She popped back in to let us know that Dr HD was happy with the images and we could dress Linus. I was stunned at her complete and utter lack of tact. We spent as much time as possible with each of our boys. I will admit that Linus probably got the least of my time, but in my defense, he was the only one who was sedated and on a strict no stimulation order. I had to make a choice on where I was and the 2 conscious babies who needed to be held and touched and soothed usually got top billing. There was nothing I could do for Linus as a parent. I couldn't touch him or hold him or feed him. When I kissed him or talked to him he would sometimes stir and get upset causing him to need even more sedation. I visited him every single day for 2-3 hours. It's all the time I had. Even as I type this I remember feeling so helpless and useless back then. I was the walking dead running on caffeine, shock and fear. My family was spread across town and I felt inadequate. Looking back and using logic, I know we truly did the best we could for our boys, but the spark of guilt remains. Luckily for me I had someone so skillfully stoke it back to full fire if even for a short while.
After a few minutes our Dr's nurse came in to talk to us. He was scrubbing in so he couldn't come himself. Apparently he was very happy with something he saw in the images. he decided that it was worth doing one more catheter procedure before moving on to open heart surgery. They scheduled him for first thing Wed morning. We were both shocked and cautiously happy about the news. Of course we're still worried about how he'll react to another catheter since he always has complications, but it's SO much better than him going in for open heart. I really really hope this balloon lasts him long enough to let him grow big and strong before more aggressive measures need to be taken. After 6 months of age, the risk goes down significantly on valve replacement. That goal is in sight for our little fighter.
Oh yeah, the picture at the top of this post is my son gazing up at Food Bag. I told you he loves that damn thing. His Grandma says he's like a little duck that imprinted on something that wasn't his real mama. :)