Sunday, January 16, 2011

Surgery Reprieve & Serious Gall


We went in on Friday for WeeMan's echo and to possibly talk to the cardiologist again about surgery. Trina's mom is in town so we both got to go to the appointment. When the tech came to take us back I thought "Hmmm, she looks familiar". This would not be surprising considering how long he spent in the hospital and how many people have worked on him. She seemed a little snippy, but I didn't think too much of it. Not everyone has my winning personality. :) As she was starting the echo we had a very, um, interesting conversation.

Her: "Hey little guy, remember me? I've done several of his echos, in fact I think I did his first one"

Me: "Oh yeah? He was SO small back then. Can you believe how big he's gotten" *beaming with pride*

Her: "Yeah, he WAS small. You have two others right?" *watching the screen and wanding his chest*

Me: "We sure do. He's got two brothers at home with their grandma right now"

Her: "I couldn't believe he was all by himself a few times when I went up to CVICU. I thought to myself 'Man I can't believe this little guy doesn't have any family. He's so cute.' I asked the nurse if he was a CPS case because I wanted to take him home."

Me: *jaw literally hanging open*

Her: "The nurse said she didn't think his mommies would appreciate that and told me he was a triplet so that why you weren't with him all the time." *still looking at the screen*

Me: *shocked silence*

Her: "One of his brothers was still at the other hospital then, is he home now?"

Me: "Uh, um, yeah. They only spent 2 and 3 weeks in the hospital. It was really rough in the beginning when we had them in separate hospitals, then we had one here, one at Woman's and one at home. Not to mention Trina had complications that landed her back in the hospital. We were certainly spread a little thin. *thinking "Why am I explaining myself to this woman???"*

Her: "I just felt so bad for him being all alone. We have so many CPS cases come through here. I'd just take them all home with me if I could. It's so sad when they don't have anyone who cares about them"

Me: "Uh, yeah" *looking at Trina in disbelief*

Her: "OK, I think I have some good shots. let me go show them to the doctor to see if he wants any more" *walks out*

Trina: "Wow, she just couldn't let that go could she."

Me: "Nope, she made it pretty clear what terrible, neglectful parents we are..."

She popped back in to let us know that Dr HD was happy with the images and we could dress Linus. I was stunned at her complete and utter lack of tact. We spent as much time as possible with each of our boys. I will admit that Linus probably got the least of my time, but in my defense, he was the only one who was sedated and on a strict no stimulation order. I had to make a choice on where I was and the 2 conscious babies who needed to be held and touched and soothed usually got top billing. There was nothing I could do for Linus as a parent. I couldn't touch him or hold him or feed him. When I kissed him or talked to him he would sometimes stir and get upset causing him to need even more sedation. I visited him every single day for 2-3 hours. It's all the time I had. Even as I type this I remember feeling so helpless and useless back then. I was the walking dead running on caffeine, shock and fear. My family was spread across town and I felt inadequate. Looking back and using logic, I know we truly did the best we could for our boys, but the spark of guilt remains. Luckily for me I had someone so skillfully stoke it back to full fire if even for a short while.

After a few minutes our Dr's nurse came in to talk to us. He was scrubbing in so he couldn't come himself. Apparently he was very happy with something he saw in the images. he decided that it was worth doing one more catheter procedure before moving on to open heart surgery. They scheduled him for first thing Wed morning. We were both shocked and cautiously happy about the news. Of course we're still worried about how he'll react to another catheter since he always has complications, but it's SO much better than him going in for open heart. I really really hope this balloon lasts him long enough to let him grow big and strong before more aggressive measures need to be taken. After 6 months of age, the risk goes down significantly on valve replacement. That goal is in sight for our little fighter.

Oh yeah, the picture at the top of this post is my son gazing up at Food Bag. I told you he loves that damn thing. His Grandma says he's like a little duck that imprinted on something that wasn't his real mama. :)





35 comments:

Next in Line said...

He is is glowing. He must really love that food bag.

That tech doesn't know how to support families. You two mama's are an amazing team and I can't believe what you have accomplished. I suspect that all of us out here are cheering for you are in awe of what you have done and been through. There is nothing to feel guilty about and everything to feel proud about.

Nicole said...

I'm not a violent person, but I want to kill that woman. Or at the very least put her in a choke hold. Or maybe just lots and lots of paper cuts all over her body. Something painful for how unbelievably awful she was to you two. You are AMAZING parents and your three boys all know that. Of course you did and are doing everything you can for all your boys. I hope someone as ignorant and mean-spirited as she is doesn't make you doubt that for even a second.

N said...

Such great news that doctor hd thinks itbwas worth waiting, and I really hope this one lasts him much longer.

As for the doctor, I just cant imagine somebody going on like that - how horrible!

Pomegranate said...

what an idiot. sometimes you gotta wonder how they people end up in a profession where they're supposed to be helping people.

as for whatever made the doctor happy... yay!!!

cindyhoo2 said...

That pic is precious! He looks all pink and cheery. He certainly doesn't look like a neglected, unloved CPS child! That woman is an idiot. You guys are freaking rockstar mommies and it sounds like the nurses at the hospital thought so too. In situations like that one, don't you wish you could say something like," I cannot believe you just said that to us: what an incredibly rude, insensitive and hurtful comment." but I never have the presence of mind to be direct when people are rude.

As for the doc seeing something good, yippee!! That must have been something really great for him to change course for another balloon procedure. Come on little guy, 6 months is just around the corner!

As for his imprinting on the food bag, classic comment! Until the last couple of days, Joey and I were pretty sure our boys imprinted on the ceiling fan. They couldn't tear their attention away.

K J and the kids said...

You guys handle yourselves so good. HOLY SHIT the things I wanted to scream.

He is just beautiful and I am crossing my fingers and toes and leg hairs that this works until he's at least 2 :)

Candi said...

what a bitch... you have done amazing for your family. try not to let that airhead who knows nothing about you or your family, contemplate your love for the boys. she doesnt know the first thing about family if she talk like that and dont know the background. you are an inspiration on how you kept it together.

Angela #1 said...

I am begging you to talk to the doctor about this tech's behavior. Perhaps you will spare another family from her hurtful words...

God Bless you all - if you lived on Long Island, I would gladly be a surrogate grandmother and help you out....in the menatime, you are all in my prayers.

H2 said...

1. Totally inappropriate for her to make those comments

2. She violated HIPPA by commenting that she knew the other two were in a different hospital by asking a nurse about them. We all know that nurses/techs/medical professional 'talk' about cases that are none of their business. It's just an unfortunate fact of life and a disregard for ethics and law. Telling you just ratted her out. She could get in a great deal of trouble for that

3. EXCELLENT news about the echo and waiting for the surgery. I hope he does well with the cath now that he's a little older.

4. LOL at the comments. Paper cuts, crossed leg hairs. Y'all are just plan funny. :D

A+K said...

What a great picture of Linus!! He's such a cutie!

I am feeling for you guys so much. I don't know who that nurse thinks she is, but she needs to be knocked down a peg (or six). I'm so sorry that such an awful person had the ability to make you both feel so small. Everyone of us, when reading along with your story back right after the beginning, were in AWE of your dedication to your family and your constant comittment to be with each of them -- you were battling an impossible fight, one person to care for FOUR people in different places, all at the same time. I know that I certainly would not have been able to do what you did...you are a mom, first and foremost, and you do the very best you can, every single day. And you HAVE done the best for your entire family, all along.

I sincerely hope that you never have to work with her again! SHe doesn't deserve to bask in Linus's cuteness!!!

Anonymous said...

Our little one would gaze for HOURS at the windows, laughing and smiling. I think a window got his first smile--not his moms! That said, I used to work in a children's hospital and the weirdassness that was the boundaries on the part of some of the staff was unbelievable. That tech was inappropriate to the extreme--3 babies, 2 mamas (one in the hospital and post op), more than one hospital involved, and a baby who had a no/low stim order! Geez, the fact that you are not rip roaring insane right now is a miracle! Kudos to you for your level heads and loving hearts. And, kudos for taking such amazing care of your trio and having the ability to make hard choices and tough decisions in a way that BEST meets the needs of all three of your boys.

Stacey said...

I would have had a hard time not saying something awful to that woman! You guys did an amazing job and I don't think many people would hold it all together as well as you have. You have gone through so much and are still going through it. She's a bitch!

Fingers crossed that all goes well on Wednesday and he can grow nice and strong before any other procedures are required!!! He's such a cutie, in love with his food bag.

Kirsten said...

I could not have kept my cool like that. What an awful woman.
I'm glad Dr. HD had some good news. Keep fighting little Linus!

CoffeeBlue said...

Linus is beautiful (as are all your kids)! And clearly that tech is just a beeatch who doesn't know love and dedication and family and strength when she sees it. You are the kind of parents others draw inspiration from. I'll be thinking of Linus and your family on Wednesday and hoping for a miracle of an outcome.

P said...

That tech should be reported. I am not involved and it made my blood pressure rise. She is suppose to be a professional and show respect without regard to her personal opinion. You guys are doing an amazing job with those little guys. You never have to explain yourself to anyone. She needs to find another profession where compassion is not involved because she lacks it.
I am happy he does not have to have open heart surgery right now.

A :) said...

WOW! I give you a LOT of credit for keeping your cool during that exchange. I would have flipped! Some people need to reevaluate their career choices. ADORABLE pic btw!

Bionic Baby Mama said...

what a nitwit (among other things). i'd be tempted to observe to her thatif she really did take home all those babies (who, ps, are probably in the NICU because they can't leave, just a guess), she might find out in a right hurry why a parent of more than one child might not be able to be with each of them at all times.

keep on keeping on. you are doing great.

A. Smith said...

I want to knit you a smiley face cozy for the food bag, since he is always smiling at it...would be nice for it to smile back at him!

Crazy Lesbian Mom said...

He is such a gorgeous boy.

With AMAZING parents... I can't believe that tech. Totally inappropriate and unprofessional. Absolutely nothing to feel guilty about - you did (and are still doing) everything you possibly can.

Sue Z said...

What a precious photo ... and thank you for letting us know that it's food bag that he's staring at with such rapture!! LOL Too funny!

As for that tech... Ugh! Which is not nearly a strong enough word. I wonder how many children she has ... and how much time she spends with each one?? Don't let her fuel your guilt, you did all you could and had 3 other people to look after ... while visiting Linus!! I'm sure Linus knows that he's loved!

Hope's Blog said...

OK...I am mad at that lady. I didn't spend every waking hour with my daughter when she was in the hospital for the first 6 weeks of her life and if anyone would have questioned or made me feel bad about it I would have gone off! I am appalled at her and I would consider saying something if I were you...although we didn't say anything a few times we were offended.

I will be keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers as he gets ready for his cath and eventual OHS.

christina said...

I've come to your blog from the triplet moms board on babycenter and have been checking in from time to time to see how your little guys are doing. I've cried several times reading through all that you've had to go through in the last several months and can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must have been in every way...like you said, your kids were at one point in all different places and your wife's health was at risk too...I think its obvious that you both are taking fantastic are of your family and these little boys are lucky that you're their parents! I doubt that tech has ever herself been in a situation like that and been spread so thin. Hopefully she'll think a little more about how crazy it is for families who have multiple babies all needing so much care at the same time. So sorry you had to deal with someone so uncompassionate!

Very glad to hear you have some positive news on Linus. Hope everything Wednesday goes perfectly!

jade said...

You two are just the best. And I don't want to upset anyone, but I think the tech might actually have meant it in a positive way. Of course it must be sad to see little babies all by themselves - and OF COURSE she'd want to take them home - if you could have set up a hospital room with all he needed at home (oh, and three more to be on the safe side), you would have done so!!! So it is a good thing she actually wondered about him and felt bad for him - boy I did too, seeing his pictures, and if I could have helped you by just going over there and sitting in his room (or go to the shop for you or do your job) I would have and reading all the others, we would have stood in a long cue! But so I believe your serious gall is caring, and hey, she did remember him, although she probably sees many of them all the time. But maybe (no definitely) she should follow a course about how to talk to patients (and their parents in your case). AND WELL DONE LINUS to be doing so well and to be happy with a food bag (no risk of too much stimulus is there) and don't you worry, with all the love you two are giving him, you won't be able to get him out of the house by the time you think you are ready!
I am all with the keeping fingers and feet and leg hairs crossed for you!

Laurie said...

I am speechless! How dare she!! Your parenting skills should never be questioned. I am in awe of how well you and Trina have cared for all three boys. You should be filled with nothing but pride.

(hugs)

Anonymous said...

I would venture to suggest the tech was homophobic which prompted the (unwarranted) insensitive critique. unfortunately our world isn't all that accepting. Fortunately for folks like myself, I find hope in reading about the amazing parents you two are...
---An anonymous reader in Chicago

Anonymous said...

Please report this tech. What she said to the two of you was wrong on SO MANY levels. Dr. HD would benefit from knowing about this woman's behavior. Who knows what kinds of inappropriate and hurtful things she says to other moms?

Jenn said...

Wow...I want to slap that tech. Hopefully you don't have to see her again!!

Movie Gyrl said...

What a BEEYOTCH!!! She should be slapped and slapped again for such behavior. Some doctors really lack a sensitivity chip, almost inhumane. You moms did and are doing the very best for all three of your baby boys. Dont ever let anyone tell you different. She is not living your lives. She's just a visitor in what goes on. Screw her and her damn observations. You moms ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow, what an extremely rude female! I agree with the other comment, about how she must have been homophobic to a degree!! And just completely lacking tact in any form!! I would've told her to leave the room and not come back unless she wanted the ultrasound wand shoved up her ass!!
Y'all are fantastic Momma's, without a doubt! Don't allow someone who knows nothing about y'all tell you anything about how you've handled such difficult circumstances!!
Keeping all 5 of you in our hearts and thoughts always and sending as many positive vibes your way as we can!!

Linda said...

Wow. That tech needs to read "How To Win Friends And Influence People." Sounds like she is one of those travel agents for guilt trips... I hope that you don't allow any guilty feelings to stay. Three babies at once? Come on-you did the best you could, and that's a fact.
You have three beautiful boys!! I'll keep sending good wishes your way for little Linus...

existere said...

That tech is full of shit. I'm delurking just to tell you so. I'm sure you know it already, but she is FULL. OF. SHIT. No one who has not had multiples can understand the amount of time and work is takes - and though I've had multiples, luckily none of mine were in hospital at the start. I can't imagine being spread across three hospitals. You guys are amazing moms. Amazing. And look how cute your little one is (makes me laugh as my son 'imprinted' on the leg of the tv. He smiled at it long before he smiled at either of his moms!!) - and how happy. He's a lucky boy, as are his brothers. You wouldn't be feeling so guilty and worried if you WEREN'T fantastic. *hug*

Anonymous said...

OY, report that cheeky woman. she is totally out of line, she did it because she decided she could bully you two. can you imagine who else she has done that to.
you two are brilliant mamas, your boys are testimony to that fact.

loads of love and positive vibrations your way

Sabrina said...

First of all, if she already knew you had TRIPLETS she should have just kept her mouth shut. You don't need to explain yourself to her, or anyone else! What if you had to work? What if you were in the military and were deployed and Trina were by herself and had to work!? HOW is it any of this woman's business!? Jeesh! People that can't just mind their own business annoy me to death! I LOVE that the echo was good, I'm hoping and praying this balloon can get him through until he's at least 6 months old and the risk goes down, I can't imagine sending my little newborn to open heart surgery, it has to be weighing on you! Lots of positive thoughts and prayers for Linus!!! Love the photo of him looking at the food bag, maybe there's an angel he's looking at that you can't see! ;-)

Mama Cas said...

Sadly, some medical personnel have no personality or bedside manner. If you have a free minute (I know you have LOTS of those with 3 infants in the house, right?), maybe you could write a calmly worded letter to that office manager and let him/her know how deeply hurt and offended you were. Maybe she just didn't realize how tactless she was.

Anonymous said...

Uhm. You guys handled yourselves very well. I couldn't have done that. In fact, I would have been screaming and throwing a huge stink...who the hell talks to someone like that?!!! MY GOD THAT MAKES ME MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:( You don't need to defend yourselves. You guys did what you could, and are doing an awesome job!