I'm finally starting to get over the chest congestion and fatigue of this stupid bug that's going around. Unfortunately, I gave it to Trina who has to suffer through without medicine "just in case" she's knocked up. She's had to take Tylen0l a few times to keep her fever in check, but other than that she's had no relief. It kills me to see her so sick and know there's not only nothing I can do, but that it's also partly my fault. :(
I've noticed myself actively pushing "baby thoughts" out of my head this TWW. It seems when I truly think about Trina's maybe/maybe not pregnancy status I have anxiety. It starts as a small fluttering feeling in my stomach, but gets worse the longer I think about it. I hate it. Starting our family should be a happy, carefree thing. Instead the miscarriage and BFN after BFN is eroding my upbeat nature. I've gone from anxiously awaiting HPT-time to having anxiety even thinking about POAS. To make things worse, Trina's temp has gone down the last 2 mornings. At this rate, tomorrow it'll drop below the coverline and another cycle will go in the trash. I never thought I'd still be waiting for a baby over a year after we started trying for one. Sometimes it's hard to push the whoa-is-me questions out of my head... Where'd the time go? What if we'd done less of this or more of that? When is it my turn? What if...??