Saturday, April 4, 2009

10 DPO & Worried

I'm finally starting to get over the chest congestion and fatigue of this stupid bug that's going around. Unfortunately, I gave it to Trina who has to suffer through without medicine "just in case" she's knocked up. She's had to take Tylen0l a few times to keep her fever in check, but other than that she's had no relief. It kills me to see her so sick and know there's not only nothing I can do, but that it's also partly my fault. :(

I've noticed myself actively pushing "baby thoughts" out of my head this TWW. It seems when I truly think about Trina's maybe/maybe not pregnancy status I have anxiety. It starts as a small fluttering feeling in my stomach, but gets worse the longer I think about it. I hate it. Starting our family should be a happy, carefree thing. Instead the miscarriage and BFN after BFN is eroding my upbeat nature. I've gone from anxiously awaiting HPT-time to having anxiety even thinking about POAS. To make things worse, Trina's temp has gone down the last 2 mornings. At this rate, tomorrow it'll drop below the coverline and another cycle will go in the trash. I never thought I'd still be waiting for a baby over a year after we started trying for one. Sometimes it's hard to push the whoa-is-me questions out of my head... Where'd the time go? What if we'd done less of this or more of that? When is it my turn? What if...??  


Jen said...

So sorry both of you have been so sick! I had that stuff in February and it is no fun, I can't imagine going through it without drugs...I was on 4 prescriptions! You guys are not alone in the whoa-is-us-ttc-over-a-year-completely-sucks-and-is-unreal-and-unfair.

Carrie said...

sorry to hear you're both sick. :( one thing is for sure with TTC - it's a total mindfock. i know we are always wondering should we have done more of this, less of that, should we have gone to injectables sooner, should we have gone to ivf by now? it's a crazy mindgame, with no accurate answer. i hope this cycle is the one for you girls, and that you both feel better soon!

Crayonboxes said...

I am so sorry that everything has turned into anxiety for you.. It's very difficult.. I hope she doesn't drop below the converline and she's indeed prego.