Green Eyed Girl

This is our newest family member. She's a 9wk old terrier mix and needs a name. Any ideas?

Fertile Earth

At our BFN OB appt last Thurs, our doc said that everything looks great. Her charts are amazing and her ovaries are not showing any signs of wear and tear due to meds. The fact that she DID manage to get pregnant the first time rules out most hormaonal and structural defects. He didn't think that we had reached a point where more than our normal Cl0mid was needed. Apparently we're supposed to just "be patient". That is SO not my style, I'm a doer. Now that BFN #5 is behind us, we're trying not to dwell on the past, but instead to just focus on the currrent cycle. This go-round we've added 2 additional natural fertility boosters. She's started drinking FertiliTe@ and eating an ounce of dried goji berries everyday. This is mostly satisfying my urge to "do" more. Hopefully this is our cycle, if not, I'm determined to pick myself up, dust myself off and move forward. Wish us luck.

A Sad Day

Today is the one year anniversary of our miscarriage. Somehow it seems like just yesterday and an eternity ago at the same time. I feel like I should say something profound, impart some great wisdom I've gleaned from all of this, but for the life of me I don't know what it is. The best I can do is to say that the pain is still there, but it isn't as sharp, it doesn't cut as deeply as it once did. I guess that's the best that anyone can hope for. To live through a great personal tragedy and to keep moving forward while still acknowledging the importance of your past.

Another One Bites The Dust

Trina's temp dropped dramatically 5 days ago. I've been hoping against hope that it was an implantation dip or a fluke or ANYTHING other than another failed cycle. Well, 5 days of low temps (just a hair above the coverline), 3 neg HPT's and some cramps later I've officially given up hope. I haven't been sleeping well for days and when I do, my dreams are filled with babies and pregnancies. I wake up tired and mourning the loss of my "dream life" all day. 

This cycle seems to be hitting us both pretty hard. My poor wife is beginning to doubt herself and even worse, consider herself a failure. We've both cried rivers and she hasn't even started bleeding yet. Hopefully we can snap out of it by the time try #6 gets here. To aid me in this, I took a "mental health day" today which gives me 3 days off in a row. I'm cleaning my house today and we're meeting up with some friends tonight. There's also lawn work to be done and various house projects that have been neglected. I'm hoping that setting and reaching smaller goals for a few days will help me get my head straight so I can face work and the general population by the start of my shift on Fri. Wish me luck...

10 DPO & Worried

I'm finally starting to get over the chest congestion and fatigue of this stupid bug that's going around. Unfortunately, I gave it to Trina who has to suffer through without medicine "just in case" she's knocked up. She's had to take Tylen0l a few times to keep her fever in check, but other than that she's had no relief. It kills me to see her so sick and know there's not only nothing I can do, but that it's also partly my fault. :(

I've noticed myself actively pushing "baby thoughts" out of my head this TWW. It seems when I truly think about Trina's maybe/maybe not pregnancy status I have anxiety. It starts as a small fluttering feeling in my stomach, but gets worse the longer I think about it. I hate it. Starting our family should be a happy, carefree thing. Instead the miscarriage and BFN after BFN is eroding my upbeat nature. I've gone from anxiously awaiting HPT-time to having anxiety even thinking about POAS. To make things worse, Trina's temp has gone down the last 2 mornings. At this rate, tomorrow it'll drop below the coverline and another cycle will go in the trash. I never thought I'd still be waiting for a baby over a year after we started trying for one. Sometimes it's hard to push the whoa-is-me questions out of my head... Where'd the time go? What if we'd done less of this or more of that? When is it my turn? What if...??  

1 DPO & Sick As A Dog

Today marks 1DPO. There are a mere 13 days until we find out if Insem #5 is "the one". I've seen that several of our blogging community have gotten there BFP's this go-round. Congrats to you all and I hope to join you soon. :)

On a crappy note, I've been getting sicker and sicker since Monday. I had myself convinced it was just allergies until it dropped from my sinuses into my chest and my mountains of used tissues were traded in for a bottle of expectorant and nebulizer treatments every 6hrs. To say the least, I'm bummed. Not only that, I'm scared that I'll get Trina sick. We need her strong and healthy, not whining and strapped to a mist spewing hose like me... :(

CD5

Trina started spotting on Sun and had the temp drop to match on Mon. I was SO sure about this one. Vaguely pregnant symptoms, a beautiful chart, sperm cupcakes... How did it all go so wrong? I was an absolute wreck on Sun. I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself and tortured myself with thoughts about how this time last year, she was pregnant. The only thing that saved me from myself was our good friends inviting us to lunch when Trina got off work. I was terrible company, but they pretended not to notice. My dad ended up meeting us for lunch, too and we all went to shoot pool after. I'm not sure how any of them could stand to be around me I was in such a foul mood. I guess that's what friends and family are for. To suffer with you through your worst times and try to distract you from the pain.

Anyway, we've added some superfood supplements to her diet this go-round. On top of her prenatal vitamins, DHA supplement and Cl0mid, she's now taking Maca root capsules, Spirulina capsules and a Bee Pollen, Bee Propolis and Royal Jelly mix capsule everyday. Today she had her first "solo" check up at our OB. I hated missing it. I want to be there every step of the way whether we're pregnant or not. 9 or 10 days from now we'll do 2 more at-home insems. We've got 2 more cycles til our OB wants to start looking in why this isn't happening for us. Fingers crossed that we won't have to have that conversation...