Tick Tock

Last month Trina and I decided we're ready to start trying to conceive again. It was a happy conversation filled with hope of a Christmas-made baby. Then I started looking at her charts and counting calender days. Uh oh. She was set to ovulate ON Christmas or at least darn close. Our Dr's office was going to be closed from the afternoon of the 24th until the 29th. Trina cried. After all of these months of self imposed waiting,  the thought of letting another cycle pass us by was too much to bare.

Dec has been rough. Both friends and family have given birth to beautiful babies. Our due date came and left. I had a minor breakdown standing on my porch watching it snow in my area of Texas for only the second time in 12yrs. Something about watching the fragile, little, awe-inspiring flakes hit the ground and disappear unraveled me. Symbolic much? We battled through Christmas day trying hard not to give in to the "this would have been our baby's first Xmas" thoughts that buzzed around constantly. It didn't help that the fertility monitor read "high" Christmas morning. She peaked on the 26th and there was nothing we could do about it. 4 more weeks... Tomorrow my wife turns 30. She NEVER imagined she'd turn 30 before becoming a mother. It's been a hard realization to face. Her baby clock is ticking so loudly it keeps me up at night. 4 weeks isn't THAT long, right...? 

Almost...

Tomorrow my wife comes home. Only one more lonely night spent in a half empty bed. :)

Flying Solo

My wife left bright and early this morning to visit family in the great white north. What exactly am I supposed to do with myself for the next 9 days??

Our "Not So Due" Date

Today was supposed to be our due date. As a memorial to our little one, we purchased a half acre of trees to be planted in his memory.

Instead of spending this day bringing our child into the world, we are spending it in reflection of the last year. We may not have gained a new family member, but through hard work and tremendous effort, we have gained endless personal insight and a healthier foundation to build our family on.

Memorial Trees

Sad But Not Surprised

Temp dropped this morning. Cramps followed. Just waiting for the blood...

Half Over

Well, only 7 more days until we know if this IUI was a success. I have no idea what to think about this cycle. Trina's chart started out fairly normal then turned into the Rocky Mountains. After her monitor "peaked" and we inseminated, her temperatures went down instead of up for two days. She's been sick off/on since the day we inseminated. That leads to a list of maybes that'll drive you mad during the TWW. Maybe she ovulated late and we jumped the gun. Maybe she ovulated "on time" but her illness caused her temps to be wacky. Maybe the stress of being sick caused her to ovulate late. Maybe the early symptoms were just her being sick, but the latest ones are because she's pregnant. Maybe she's still just sick and it's making a come back. Who knows? I'm sort of dreading this next week. I almost don't want to know. At least at this point there's a chance, however slim it may be...

Oh Deer

Sunday morning I was up getting ready for work. The dogs were barking on and off. No big deal, just a little out of the ordinary. Then i heard a thump. Hmmm, then another thump. I looked out my window to see a red blur run past. What the?? A fawn had managed to get into my backyard and was doing it's best impression of a pinball. It was alternately running full force into my house, fence and shed, then dropping to the ground and curling up. I have a 6ft wood fence so the only way it could've gotten back there was to shimmy under in the corner where water runoff has caused a gap. I certainly never thought the gap would be large enough for a deer to get through. WHY would a deer WANT to get through? I had a very short conversation with my sleeping wife. Me: "Babe, there's a deer in our yard!" Her: "Mmmm" Me: "Babe! A deer!" Her: "Grrr, what are you gonna do with it?" Good question. First, I grabbed my camera. I mean, what's a story with no pictures, right? Then I got a comforter and "shooed" it to the side yard. For a minute, there was a standoff. I tried to slowly close the gap between me and Bambi when he charged me. I swooped him up in the comforter as he tried to zip past me and slam into some other immovable object. The fact that I was trying to save him was lost in translation and he kicked the crap out of me repeatedly until I managed to "fold" him up. Now I didn't have any hands to open the gate with. I yelled for my wife. "Babe" nothing "BABE" nothing "BAAAAABE!!!!" She appeared, groggy, unamused and naked. "I need you to open the gate" "I need to go get dressed" "Uh, can you do that after you open the gate? In case you haven't noticed I have a baby deer wrapped up like a Christmas gift in my arms" She begrudgingly opened the gate for me and I carried the little guy into the brush a few dozen yards behind my fence where he played dead for a moment, then took off.When I got back home, a little out of breath and with adrenaline pumping through my veins I found my wife back in bed, sleeping...

Insemination #2 (sans graspers)

Well, it's done. Wed morning Trina's fertility monitor peaked so we called and they had us come in for insem #2 that afternoon. Once again we checked in at the Andrology Lab to pick up our swimmers. They gave us a beeper that would notify us when they were ready. An hour later we went back, silent beeper in hand, to see what the hold up was. Apparently the beeper wasn't working and our guys had been waiting for us for about 15min. Doh. We took the boys upstairs and checked in 10min before our appointment. The pain of the first IUI was weighing heavily on Trina's mind so she was a bit on edge. After not-so-patiently waiting for 45min Trina was about to pop. Several people had come in after us and had been taken to the back. Trina assured me that if one more person was called in before her, she was going to scream. As I was explaining the virtue of patience and "inside voices" an unsuspecting nurse called another patient back. Trina jumped up and asked semi-politely if they were running REALLY behind. The nurse asked her what doctor she was waiting for and directed her to the person with that info. 30secs later Trina was waving me back. Apparently when we checked in at the front desk, they put down that we were still waiting for our "specimen" to be prepared. Ugh, always with the speed bumps, such is our life. Doc came in and assured Trina that the swimmers last for 4hrs after the big thaw. She's still convinced that the hour wait caused them all to die. As Doc got "into position" Trina was squeezing the crap out of my hand and turned up her MP3 player. He did a quick exam and said "everything looked clear". Not sure what that meant exactly, but it was good to hear that there were no visible roadblocks. He noted that she had "a little curve" and bent the catheter a bit. 30secs later she winced and he said "Ok, they're way at the top" and removed the speculum. Trina's eyes popped open and said "That's it??" When he nodded she nearly cried "That was AWESOME, hell yeah!" He looked confused and asked if she was talking on the phone, because that's not the response he usually got. I tried to explain that my wife was not a masochist, she was just relieved that it went smoothly. He didn't look like he fully understood so I gave him a basic run down of the crazy painful IUI she had last try when he was on vacation. He seemed amused and went on to give us a basic pep talk and told us to call in 2wks after taking a HPT. We were both thrilled that everything went so smoothly. Trina was cramping a bit, so I had her sit in the lobby while I settled the bill. A few minutes later when I came back she was gone. Hmmm, I'm forever misplacing my keys, but this was the first time I lost my wife. I found her laying on a couch 20ft from where I'd left her. She was cramping so badly she was seeing stars. Poor thing. On the way home she started feeling much better. We had a nice lunch and headed to the house. All was right with the world, or so I thought...

The next day her temp dipped a bit and that night she threw up out of the blue. She's been nauseous since then. Her temp has still not spiked so we're not sure what to make of this cycle. She had a definite LH surge, but no thermal shift. I read it was possible to surge and not ovulate, but that it was pretty uncommon. Trina's temps have been so regular every other cycle, but it's a possibility that she ovulated with no spike. At this point, who knows. I'm not having any warm fuzzy feelings about our chances this cycle. It's kind of depressing to think that we may have wasted a good vial on an anovulatory cycle. Ah well, nothing to do but wait and see...

Memorial Weekend

Our weekend went fairly well. Saturday night we drove out to Austin to meet up with some of Trina's friends. Trina got to have her first beer in a long time, catch up with old friends and dance the night away. I don't dance, drink or have friends in Austin so I got to hold various people's drinks and assorted belongings while they danced. Shortly after someone yelled "I LOVE this song", I'd end up looking like an alcoholic trying to juggle multiple mixed drinks and a few beers.The highlight of my night was telling a complete stranger about my wife's cervix and her run in with the "graspers". In my defense, she asked me about the TTC process and I, being socially inadequate, forgot when to stop talking. I think my experience here has skewed my perception of what appropriate conversation is. I mean, I would have never talked about Trina's cervical fluid in public before you people warped me. I blame you, Blogland.

After leaving the club in the wee hours of the morning, we tried, unsuccessfully, to sneak into my father's house. That's just not possible with a Jack Russel and a Bloodhound on duty. 20 minutes later we were finally able to get the yapping and baying under control. Trina set up the bedside table with all of our TTC paraphernalia. It was odd to see the fertility monitor, temperature chart and BBThermometer sitting there beside the bed at my dad's house. Not sure why, but it just struck me as funny. We had a lazy Sunday morning eating jelly biscuits, drinking coffee and watching the hummingbirds buzz around the many feeders on the deck. Every time I visit my dad I remember how much I want to live in the Hill Country. Some day...

I had the Monday off. Unfortunately Trina didn't. She actually had to work both of her jobs. As she slaved away in corporate America I cleaned up the house, did some laundry then headed over to my friends' house for BBQ. I felt pretty guilty having fun hanging out with my friends and playing with their beautiful 9mos old daughter while Trina worked. She's been pretty emotional and I didn't want her to feel slighted.

The last few days she's been on an emotional roller coaster. One minute she's sad and the next she's pissed. The tiniest things make her cry. I feel so bad for her. She's miserable and there's nothing I can do to help. Believe me, I've tried. Here's a basic scenario. Playing the guitar makes her happy, so she's been doing it alot to soothe her savage soul. The other day she busted a string. This made her cry. Today I went to the guitar store and picked up new strings. I even got the right ones which is easier said than done. She was SO happy that I ran that errand for her without being asked. Ten minutes later she yells "Where are my needle nose pliers??" Me "They're on the table, I was just fixing your necklace with them, remember?" Her "Those are YOUR needle nose pliers, I want MINE" Me "Seriously?" Her*glare* Me "OK, I'll find them" I located the "special" pliers and left the room after handing them over so as not to say anything stupid. I could feel myself wanting to compare the two pliers to search for differences. This would not end well, so I came to the room to blog. Hi. :) Five minutes later she's standing next to me, eyes red and watery, hand outstretched. There was a tiny dot of blood on her pinkie finger. She poked herself with a guitar string and needed coddling. I rocked her in my lap and rubbed her back while she sniffled. She told me she was sorry for being a freak and thanked me for dealing with her craziness this week. Then, smiling, she ran off to play her freshly strung guitar. I can hear her singing and strumming as I type.

Identity Crisis

I had a strange conversation with a client today. It went a little somethin like this...

Woman: Hi Kat, I have an appointment with you. (big cheery smile)

Me: I'm not Kat, but she'll be right with you. (less than cheery smile)

Woman: Oh, then I think I made my appointment with the wrong person. I wanted you. What's your name? (frowning)

Me: I'm Robin.

Woman: No, that's not it. (deeper frown)

Me: *blink blink, looking down at name badge* Um, yeah, I'm pretty sure it is... Kat is probably who you want, we look similar.

Woman: Wow, you two must be twins or something. (smiling again)

Me: (weak half smile, not saying a damn thing because this is the 3rd time today I've been mistaken for Kat who is 9yrs younger, has a shaved head and just happens to be the only other lesbian in our shop)

Seriously people. We don't really all look alike, right??

Back On The Horse

We're officially TTC again. Today is CD6. Last week I went out and picked up her Clomid RX and more test sticks for our monitor. Yesterday Trina took the first pill of the cycle and cried nearly all day. My poor girl. Today has gone better, but I've got tissues and chocolate ready in case of any hormonal outbursts. Hopefully we'll have IUI #2 on or around May 29th. Wish us luck. :)

Back By Popular Demand

It has been brought to my attention that I have been neglecting my faithful blog readers. My apologies. The day we got back from our weekend away, I started a 7 day work week. Yesterday was my first day off. It was great. I'll blog about it later, but for now, here's my anniversary story. :)

On the way down to Port Aransas we stopped at the Texas State Aquarium in Corpus Christie. It was great, but quite a bit smaller than we were expecting. Trina and I love to go to the zoos and aquariums at all the new places we visit. The last aquarium we visited was the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago. That place is huge!

At check in, the little manager/owner lady was so sweet. She went on and on about how much we were going to like the cabana now. Apparently they had remodelled since our last trip 2yrs ago. After getting settled in, it was time to go meet my dad and his friend for dinner. They had been deep sea fishing all day. My dad caught 3 sharks totalling 30lbs or so. Trina's weak stomach stopped the "sea sickness" and "shark cleaning" conversation at dinner.:) We ate at Shell's and I have to say I was a little disappointed. The food was good, but not great like it usually is. I was sad. After dinner we all took a nice long walk down the beach and picked up seashells
.
The next 3 days were spent walking on the beach, shopping, eating, watching Animal Planet and other such lazy activities. While there, I learned my wife had never flown a kite. How do you live 29 years and never fly a kite?? I took her straight to a shop that carried stunt kites and picked up two. I assembled her kite, explained the 2 string steering basics, set her up 50 ft back and tossed the kite into the wind. It was beautiful. The kite soared for approximately 15 seconds before slamming into the earth and breaking beyond repair... She almost cried. I gave her my kite and we tried again. After a few crashes she had the hang of it. Now she's a pro and can spin the kite both ways and bring it down without digging a trench in the sand. That's my girl. :)

My favorite part of any trip is the food. I'm a big eater. Ask anyone and they'll tell you that meals rule my world. Our best food day was Monday. It started off with yummy breakfast tacos and pancakes at San Juan. We had an amazing "best meal of the trip" lunch at The Wharf including fresh bread, yummy salad, a baked potato, their world famous fried cheese and marinated grilled zucchini. After lunch we picked up some caramel from Winton's Candies. It is the best caramel you will ever eat. I think I put back about a pound throughout the weekend. The day ended with garlic cheese stick pizza at Port A Pizzaria. Mmmm, that's my kinda day. :)

Story of Us

Trina and I dated long distance for 3 mos before she relocated to be with me. After we were together for about 9mos I knew she was "the one". Actually, I knew before then but that's when I started thinking about a proposal. I wanted it to be perfect. I found the ring and planned a romantic weekend getaway. I booked a cabana at a funky little place called Laughing Horse Lodge in Pt Aransas. All of the cabanas have cheesy "horse themed names". I almost choked when we got there and found out our cabana was named "Bridle Sweet". Our first night there, we took a walk on the beach. After a while, we went up into a life guard tower to sit and listen to the waves. I was so nervous. At the stroke of midnight, on one knee, I asked her to be my wife. To my great relief she said yes. :) 13mos later we flew to the Caribbean to get married on a beautiful white sand beach. It was amazing. We spent 8 days in paradise and met some really cool chicks. In some ways it feels like yesterday, but in reality it's been nearly a year. This Saturday, May 3rd, Trina and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary. We're going back to Pt A for a long weekend. We even booked the Bridle Sweet. :)

As luck would have it, my dad is also going to be in Pt A for a fishing trip. We plan on meeting up for dinner. I can't wait. We're taking him to our FAVORITE restaurant, Shell's. It's a tiny little place with the best food I have ever put in my mouth. I can't think of a better way to spend our anniversary weekend. Good food and good company at the beach.

Hello Again

It's been forever since I last posted. Lack of motivation I suppose. It was much more fun posting about getting pregnant and being pregnant. I have been keeping up with everyone else's blogs, though. I've been a grade A lurker as a matter of fact. So, what have we been up to? Here goes...

The "funk" only overcomes us occasionally these days. Trina has started playing the guitar again. I can listen to her for hours. She has the most amazing singing voice. We've both been eating healthy and Trina has been doing her yoga again. She even got a new pilates DVD that's been kicking her ass. She wants to be in even better shape the next time around. We've started several new projects around the house and yard to keep occupied. With so little that we can actually control, I guess we're just doing what we can.

We got alot accomplished for Earth Day. I was very proud of us. We took our recycling to the nearest facility which is a 30 minute drive. We went down to our local grocery who was giving away cloth grocery bags if you brought in plastic bags to recycle. We were given a Peace Lilly (thanks Haely&Troy) and purchased a Bamboo Palm, both of which are on NASA's top ten air cleaning plants list. We bought 3 recycling bins to make sorting easier so that we do a better job of collecting recyclables. I planted a vegetable garden & Trina started a "garbage can compost". We bought the cutest Earth Day gDiaper. I love it. :) I think that's it. Hmmm, seemed like we did more. Ah well, anything we do to make this a better place for our kids is a good step.

Better Together

Wednesday's appointment wasn't as horrible as I was prepared for. Don't get me wrong, seeing an empty ultrasound was crushing, but we got through it. Our OB has amazing bedside manner. He managed to console us for our loss and at the same time, be upbeat about our next try. The ultrasound showed that, although there was still a small amount of blood in Trina's uterus, everything else looked "great". He gave us a Rx to resolve the blood issue and told us that there would not be a waiting period for our next IUI. With any luck we'll greet CD1 in 4-8 weeks and officially get back on the TTC train.

Somewhere along the way, "minute by minute" graduated to "one day at a time". Trina and I are are slowly healing our broken hearts. We've found strength in each other and those around us. I've been amazed both at how supportive people have been and how inconsiderate others were. It wasn't the fact that some were good to us and some were not that was so surprising. It was finding out that people didn't necessarily fit into the categories we expected them to. I guess that's just the way life goes.

Irony & Cliches

Well, it's official. Friday's blood work already showed non-pregnant levels of progesterone and hCG so today's comparison panel was cancelled. Our doc seemed a bit alarmed at the fact that she was still bleeding and having pain. Trina's Rx for bed rest and iron supplements was renewed and an ultrasound was scheduled for Wed. The irony of it all is that we were supposed to see our baby for the first time on Wed. The ultrasound that was supposed to reveal our child's heartbeat is now searching for "leftover debris" from a failed pregnancy. I'd say I'm dealing with this reality "one day at a time", but I think "minute by minute" might be more precise...

Goodbye Seamonkey

Thursday morning Trina's bbtemp dipped, yesterday it dropped. Then came the bleeding and the cramping and the pain. Too early for an ultrasound so they did bloodwork. They'll do more Monday. Until then, Trina's on strict bedrest. Nothing to do now but wait for the inevitable news, the life we created has been extinguished.

That's My Girl

The fact that Trina is pregnant only seems real to me in small sporadic flashes. I'm still in shock that it "took" on the first try. It's a little less surreal for her considering her list of pregnancy symptoms is growing everyday. Her breasts are tender and her emotions are on overdrive. Yesterday she told me she was on the verge of killing someone and crying in no particular order. I told her she was pretty. :) She's been getting nauseous off and on. She has no interest in eating baked goods and has an all out food aversion to both donuts and brownies. This wouldn't be a big deal if she didn't work in a bakery. Yesterday she had to have another girl restock the donut case for her and gagged when she had to cut up brownie bites for people to sample. She's been craving tomatoes and pickles. Pickles may seem like a classic pregnancy craving, but I'm not convinced that this isn't just her normal pickle craving. My girl can put away some brine soaked cucumbers. Trina's really been impressing me by eating healthy and avoiding processed foods. On top of that, she's walking 2 miles and doing an hour of prenatal yoga nearly every morning. My baby-to-be has an amazing mama.

Speechless...

My beautiful wife is going to have a baby. OUR baby...

A Beautiful Mind

OK, remember when I reserved the right to freak out? That time is now, folks. For some unknown, very stupid reason, we decided Sunday was a good day to start POAS. We were wrong. Sunday's stick was negative. We were only a little bit sad because it was way early. Well Monday's stick had the tiniest, faintest, ghost of an almost line. Kind of...maybe. I stared and stared at that stick. I willed the "line" to show itself. After talking myself in circles to my best friend she sent me the link to peeonastck.com. It's the damnedest thing. A whole website filled with FAQ's and pictures on home pregnancy test results. Now instead of just staring at the 2 sticks we had (yes I kept them both, don't judge me), I was staring at pages and pages of sticks and comparing them to ours. This morning's stick, which was a different brand, was supposed to make everything better. It was supposed to be one of 2 things, Bold or Blank. Is that so damn hard? Apparently, because the damn thing had it's own phantom, barely there, hint of a line. The only difference was that it was pink instead of blue. Now I had 3 sticks and a website to analyze til my eyes bled.
Side note: Almost no one in our "real life" knows we inseminated this month, let alone that we're anxiously awaiting a damn urine soaked stick to tell us the most important thing we'll ever find out. This leaves me doing mental acrobatics silently and secretly. I think of sticks all day and all night. I've dreamt of nothing but HPT for 2 days. I even woke up the the sound of my wife using the restroom in the middle of the night and nearly ran in there to see if she was testing without me! Apparently that tied into the dream I was having. In my dreams sometimes the test is positive and sometimes it's negative and lots of times just when we have it figured out, it changes. Once when we decided it was "really positive this time" Trina looks at me and says, "oh wait, this is the one that YOU peed on, it can't be positive". When did I start peeing on tests? Stupid dreams, stupid subconscious.
So today I confided my lunacy in Vada. I laid out all my "what ifs", dreams, thoughts and comparisons and when I get to the part of my story where I'm peeing on sticks in my dreams she says "Well why don't you pee on a stick? It HAS to be negative, then you can compare it to the other sticks." Brilliant! I LOVE this girl. I run in and pee on the remaining stick in the 2-stick box we used today. My test is absolutely negative. One line. No doubt. There is definitely a difference between my stick and Trina's 3 sticks (yes I still have them ALL). What does this mean? Could be nothing. I'm trying very hard not to let my hopes soar, but hey, I'm human and very possibly insane at this point. :) It's amazing that I'm putting myself through all of this when nature will give me the answer in 3 short days. I know this is crazy with every logical cell in my body. That being said, both my wife and I will be peeing on sticks at 7:30 tomorrow morning.

It's all fun & games til you end up under the hammock...

Today marks the 7th day after insem so we decided to start the belly pictures. I know that may seem odd since we don't even know if we're pregnant. I just figured, what the hell, may as well take them. The worst that can happen is they become our "before" pictures. :) Trina wanted to take them out on her hammock. She is in love with this thing. She lays out there and reads, talks on the phone or just relaxes at least once every day. Sometimes after work I'll hear her pull into the driveway and I'll wait for her to open the door and come in. Instead she'll make it to the patio, drop her bag, kick off her shoes and flop into the hammock. It's her zen.


On a side note, this is why pregnant women shouldn't play around on hammocks...



Now that could not have been good for the baby. Notice how I kept taking pictures instead of helping her up? Classic. :) Not sure how long it'll take to live this one down. Surely posting it on the web for all to see will help my case.

Stealing the Limelight

Today started out on a sad note. We had to take one of our pet rats, Indy, to the vet to be put down. We buried him under our tree and did some therapeutic landscaping to ease the loss. He was a good little guy and we'll miss him.

Luckily that's where the bad news ends. Trina is feeling more and more confident that she's pregnant. Her temp is still up and yesterday the smell of chocolate covered donuts made her stomach turn. Is it even possible that this is a pregnancy symptom? Who cares, it's fun to dream.

Last week when Trina and I were at the doctor's office waiting for the swimmers to prepare for their journey, I was texting back and forth with my kid brother. During our chat, he jokingly said that he was going to run out and get his girlfriend pregnant just to steal my spotlight. Well, today he called and when I didn't answer (we were at the vet) texted me "Call ASAP". I was a little worried and returned the call right away. "Remember when I was joking about knocking 'K' up?" They took 6 different kinds of home pregnancy tests. 4 of those tests came up positive including one that was 2 mos expired. The 2 they bought from the dollar store came up negative. Today they went to the doctor who confirmed that she's 4weeks pregnant. Note to self, no dollar store tests... :) I'm so excited for them and I'm glad our baby is going to have a cousin the same age. I told him that since we didn't live close, he needed to start a blog right away so I could keep up with all the news, big and small. Trina suggested he name the blog "Stealing the Limelight".

Calm, Cool & Collected

I'm REALLY not a patient person so I expected these 2 weeks to drag on. I thought that as soon as we left the doctor's office I'd be dying to know if it "took". I generally replay things in my head over and over and "what if" myself half to death. I'm calm. I can't really explain it. It's sort of surreal. I know we did everything in our power to make this work. Trina's been on prenatal vitamins for months, we upped her protein last month, we suffered through the Clomid, we've charted and tested religiously. On the "medical side" the doc said our motile sperm count was very high, we inseminated on our peak day, Trina's temp went up the next day and it's stayed up since then. I can't say I'm overly confident that we are pregnant, though I'd like to think we are. It's more the feeling that if we are pregnant then that's awesome and if we aren't then it just wasn't meant to be. I'm feeling very zen about the whole thing. That being said, I reserve the right to freak out at any point. :)

Whew, What A Day (Looong Post)

Ok then, where do I begin? Last night we had a wonderful time out with friends. One of Trina's old highschool buddies is in town for a work conference. He's quite the character. I've never gotten so many "second looks" before. Then of course, I've never hung out downtown with a red headed, bearded man in a kilt either... We took him to my very favorite restaurant where we met up with my bestest friend, her wife and their daughter. We had good food and good conversation. After dinner we played some pool and I got thoroughly beaten down by both my wife and her friend. A good time was had by all. I finally hit my pillow around 2am. It was a great "last night" of freedom. This morning my alarm was very loud and went off very early...

When I think back to this morning it feels like another day all together. Was it really a short 15hours ago that I woke up, turned off the alarm and stumbled o the shower? While the hot water was nudging me awake, Trina got up, took her temp, peed on a stick and inserted it into the proper place in the monitor. A few minutes later she came into the bathroom to tell me that today was the day. I was estatic and I'd be lying if I didn't admit that part of the elation came from knowing I didn't have to go to work. I was exhausted. I finished my leisurley shower and called work, they were very excited. I'm lucky to work with a good group of folks who love me. Trina and I crawled back in bed to snuggle while we waited for the doctor's office to open. We were so excited to make that call, nothing could bring us down. Well nothing except the nurse telling us that our doc was on vacation this week. What!?! She said she'd have to see if any of the other doctor's could fit us in and she'd call us back. Trina cried. I held her and told her everything happens for a reason. Either we'd inseminate this cycle or not, it'd all work out. When the phone rang a few minutes later, I was definitely NOT expecting the nurse to tell us they could fit us in if we come right now. OH SHIT! We jumped out of bed and hap hazardly threw on clothes and brushed our teeth.

It's an hour drive to the doctor's office without traffic. Luckily I got us there in one peice and without another speeding ticket. We even had time to grab a bite at the cafe after telling the lab to start preparing our lil swimmers for the big day. After breakfast, we went upstairs to check in. We were sent to see a woman in the back. After a few phone calls she turned to us and said "This isn't covered by your insurance." We told her we already knew that. "Well that means you have to pay up front." We told her we knew that too. Then she said "Well, I don't normally deal with infertility so I have to go find out how much it'll be." and walked off in a huff. When she came back, she gave us a figure that was about twice what I had expected. When Trina asked her why it was so high, she glared and kurtly replied "Because your insurance doesn't cover infertility treatments." I'm not sure why that rude little woman kept saying we were infertile. We're both fertile as all get out as far as we know. I could tell my wife was about to jump on this woman like a ninja monkey so I handed over my credit card and put my hand on her forearm. You know, just in case. As we walked off I told Trina we'd work it out later. The pager the lab had given us was vibrating and beeping impatiently. Our swimmers were ready downstairs and this insignificant woman wasn't ruining MY day, dammit.

After we picked up our "specimen", we went back upstairs and were ushered into a room immediately. We met both the doctor and nurse that would be doing the procedure. They both seemed very nice. I was SO relieved. I held Trina's hand while they went to work. Apparently Trina's cervix was tightly closed and didn't want the catheder to enter her uterus. He had to try 3 times and ended up using a torture device he called a "grasper" to pull on her cervix while the catheder pushed it's way in. I could tell Trina was in alot of pain. I hated it for her. When all was said and done, the doctor told her to take it easy for 24hrs. He explained that she'd have pain and bleeding due to the rough entry. With that said, he left us to "rest" for 30min before leaving.
On the way home we swung by our favorite used bookstore to pick up some reading material, rented some movies and picked up some take-out. As the doc predicted, Trina's had some really gnarly cramping and some bleeding. We've spent the entire day on the couch watching movies. She's cried at least once an hour and I've done my best to console her. I feel pretty useless at this point. All I can do is rub her belly when the pain gets bad. She can't take a hot bath and Motrin is off limits. Apparently it can mess with ovulation, a little bit of info I didn't know until today. They said she could have a dose of Tylenol if the pain was too much, but Trina's not much for taking meds. She's a strong woman. She's going to be a great mom. :)

And now, for your viewing pleasure...

One pager to tell us when breakfast was ready and one to tell us when the swimmers were ready. :)


That's our swim team! Hard to believe that TINY amount of fluid will give us the child we want so badly.

The famed
"turkey
baster".




Tools of the trade. The grasper is that long menacing guy on the bottom right.




I was more than a little shocked to see what looked like chunks of my wife in this bucket. No wonder she's in pain.

Whew, all done. Not even the grasper can keep my baby down.

Quick update

We are now on CD10. Trina took her last Clomid yesterday. Trina is known for having EVERY side effect listed on EVERY medication she takes, so I was pleasantly surprised at how easy this week went. She had some cramping and some mood swings, but nothing like what I braced myself for. Mostly she's been quick to cry. Bitter coffee? Cry. Commercial with babies and/our puppies? Cry. I have to leave for work. Cry. We've gone through lots of tissues and all the chocolate, but all in all, it was uneventful.

It's hard to imagine that in 3 to 5 days, we'll "officially" start trying to conceive. Today at work I told my immediate coworkers and my boss that I'd have to call in one day next week. My coworkers were very excited for me. My boss asked why and when I told him it was for a "pregnancy related appt" he said "Why do YOU have to go?" I said "Because she's my wife and this will be OUR baby" He said "I didn't go to my wife's pregnancy appts" I said "Well that's because you're a bastard." I don't think he knew what to say after that. He just sort of blinked alot and I smiled and walked off. Tonight I called my mom and told her that we'd be starting next week. She wished us well and told me to tell Trina that she was thinking of her. :) It's nice to have so many people in our corner. We've already had alot of support from friends and family and we've barely even started the journey.

All that's left is the waiting. I'm no good at waiting. I think that's going to be the hardest part for me. Right now I have to wait until she ovulates, then I have to wait to see if it worked, then I either have to wait to try again or wait to see if it "sticks" then I have to wait to find out the sex, then wait for him/her to be born... That's SO much waiting. Stupid waiting...

Austin Trip

We drove to Austin to see my dad and step mom this weekend. Trina took some allergy meds in anticipation of the "nature" we'd soon be tromping through. Trina NEVER sleeps in the car, but about 45min into the drive, she drifted into an antihistamine slumber. Now, I'm a bit of a leadfoot and Trina is constantly telling me to slow down. Trina was sleeping... Having to wake her up and tell her we were being pulled over was not fun. I briefly toyed with the idea of seeing if she'd sleep through it. After getting back on the road I was prepared for the tongue lashing I deserved. She surprised me by not being angry or snippy. No mention was made of my ticket during our family visit. When it was time to go, she asked me for the keys. I just smiled and tossed them to her. Forgive, but don't forget folks. I love my wife. :)

The trip went really well (minus the run-in with the law). We told my dad and step mom that our first insem was going to be this cycle, not next like nearly everyone believes. We showed them pictures of our nursery and talked about the things we've already purchased or received. I brought a print out of our donor info and my dad looked at it briefly while I explained how much information we are actually given. We've made sure to keep them updated on our progress over the last few months, but I wanted to have a face-to-face talk with them about the pregnancy now that it's "time". I know my dad loves me and loves Trina, but he is an old fashioned guy. He's had trouble with my being a lesbian, then the wedding, now this. I know he's trying and never says anything negative, at least not to us. Hopefully our being open and honest from the start will make it easier for them to ask questions if/when they feel like taking an active interest. I figure when our baby gets here, they'll have no choice but love our amazing creation. Who doesn't love babies??

Dad's dome-house.

Walking up the dry creek bed with the pooches.

Avoiding what's left of Onion Creek's water.

Dad on the dam.
Rube in his element.

Our Nursery

Our beautiful nursery is finished just in time for our first insemination. In it is our biggest splurge to date. The comfiest, most expensive glider and ottoman in the universe. When Trina's tookus first hit the cushion, she knew it was THE glider. Then we looked at the price tag. EEK! We sat in every glider and rocker we came across for months trying to talk ourselves out of it, but it was no use. THE glider was prettier, THE glider reclined, THE glider had lumbar support, THE glider matched the wood in the room perfectly. Thanks to my father, stepmother and a few friends giving us Babies R Us giftcards for various holidays, we were able to go and order THE glider. I've been told that THE glider will pay for itself in the first few months. When sitting up all night trying to comfort a fussy baby, it's reclinability and sheer comfiness will ALMOST make life bearable. Here's hoping.

Our Nursery

Our beautiful Pinehurst Crib

THE Glider (moose sold separately)

On a related note, tomorrow or possibly the next day will be CD1. The feelings of anticipation are nearly overwhelming. We've decided that we're going to go ahead and get pregnant on the first try. I know that for some, it takes months, even years, but not for us. We have a plan and we're sticking to it. I've had a talk with Trina's ovaries, uterus and a ton of various girlie tubes and passageways. I feel confident that we're all on the same page. I plan to have a similar conversation with our donor sperm. A pep rally, if you will, for the little swimmers. I know, I know, there are many of you reading this right now shaking your heads thinking I'm nuts (or worse) but I feel that if we all work together and have a positive attitude we can make this happen. Go team! :)

Finally, another post...

OK, I know, I suck. Hopefully I will be MUCH more faithful about blogging when we are "with child" or have a child for that matter... It's been a while, so here goes.

Last week I purchased a beautiful crib set. We were sure we'd have to go with organic beige everything. No biggie, we like organic beige. We do NOT like bright gender specific themes or loudly colored cartoons or safari animals or Pooh,vintage or not. We were saved from all this by a catalog featuring not only an olive&chocolate modern crib set, but also a 15% off coupon for said set. I heart coupons. Trina wasn't sure about how this new crib set would "go" in the nursey. We had a vision for how it should look and feel. I assured her that she had no need to fret. It was perfect. While she was atwork, I made the crib, attached the bumper and installed the dust ruffle. She loves it. I knew she would. :)


Today was a GREAT day. We were both off work...all day...together. That NEVER happens lately. After breakfast, Trina called and ordered 3 vials from our chosen unknown donor. They'll be at our Dr's office in 2 days where they will sit and wait for next month's ovulation. Surreal. After the call, we spent a long time pouring over the nearly 40 pages of information that we have on our donor. I marvel at the similarities between him and I. Same build, hair and facial features. Our dad's have a similar build. Both our sisters played clarinet. We both recently read the same book and we both heart merecats. Hell, we both accidently "drove" our grandparents cars as very young children. Luckily for all involved, no one was hurt. The best part? I could keep going. He's a good match. I wonder sometimes if my future child's antics will be caused by my nuture or their bio-dad's nature...


Buying sperm and reading the donor's file front to back got us motivated to work on the nursery. We hung the picture frames that have been sitting on the floor for nearly 2 months. Feeling spunky, we moved on the the ones that have been waiting under our bed to be hung above the headboard. It felt good to tackle 2 projects from start to finish. :)


Certainly this day couldn't get better, right? Wrong. My amazing camera was delivered today. Thanks to alot of help from a photo-geek friend of mine, I picked out and ordered a great camera. A great camera I have no idea how to use. There are so many buttons and dials and settings, it's mind boggling. I have a little less than a month to become Ansel Adams. I want to photo-document everything from insemmination to birth and beyond. I want to give my child an overwhelming amount of information about how we brought them into this world and I want this information to be skillfully illustrated. Tonight, I started photographing the nursery and all of the cute baby items we already own. It warmed my heart to go through all the tiny clothes and blankets and carriers and books and more that now belong in my house. This was a good day.

She Peaked!

That's right, folks, according to our trusty Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor, Trina's LH peaked today. Sometime over the next 24-48hrs she will ovulate. Apparently being on birth control pills for that last year has not, in fact, upset her womanly balance. We were so worried that it would take 2-3 cycles (as it sometimes does) before she would begin to ovulate again after getting off "the pill". So, with our new found knowlegde and downright giddiness, we promptly called someone we've fondly dubbed "the sperm lady". This is the woman in our doctor's office that coordinates sperm ordering, shipping, storing and such. Unfortunately we had to leave a message, but even that didn't darken our mood. We now eagerly await a return call so we can get this show on the road. Being the lovable pessimist that I am, it HAS occured to me that everything is going a little too smoothly and that's ok. I'll just be here, smiling like a fool, waiting for the other shoe to drop. :)

OB Consult

Well, our OB consult went great. He is a very personable, informative guy. If I had to point out a flaw, it would have to be that he's a hairy little dude. Sometimes I would get lost watching his fuzzy mustache dance around and forget to listen to his words. After we chatted for awhile he did a pelvic exam and gave us the all clear to start the process. Due to Trina's irregular periods he prescribed fertility drugs that she will start on the 5th day of her next cycle. With any luck, approximately this time next month we'll do our first insemination. Everything seems so real now. I was practically giddy leaving his office.
The only down side to the whole day was going to the lab to give blood for the STD panel. Trina is a needlephobe requires a talented and caring phlebotomist. The woman who took her blood was neither. In fact she was rude and completely unprofessional. She showed us to a room with a chair and Trina politely told her that she'd need to be lying down to have blood drawn. The B***** actually rolled her eyes, sighed and showed us to a table set up in the hall. The table was being used as a countertop and was covered in blood drawing paraphenalia. She made a big show of snatching everything off the table and tossing it onto a nearby counter. Trina was livid at this point. She was glaring at me and quietly threatening to walk out. When the woman walked away, I helped Trina onto the table. I tried to calm her by lovingly stroking her forehead and telling her it would be OK. I was informed that she was NOT to be "petted". By the look in her eyes and her flushed cheeks, I knew better than to tell her I was just trying to help... The rude woman came back, quickly took her blood and walked off without another word. Apparently the pure white hot fury in my wife kept her from getting overly woozy or passing out. Although we will definitely not be going back to that lab, it's good to know that anger overrides her fear of needles. Perhaps next time she needs blood drawn I'll tell her that yes, those jeans DO make her butt look big or maybe ask if she is going to be this hormonal for the entire pregnancy. Sure, I'll probably end up with a black eye, but if she doesn't puke it may be worth it... :)

Two Bars

We started using the Clearblue Easy fertility monitor this cycle. Well it's Day 9 and Trina got to pee on her first test stick. Yay! She has high fertility, or so the little screen said. :) Now we're getting ready to go meet with our new OB to discuss our impending insemination. This is a good day.

Early aggrivation

As of yesterday, we have officially given up on our previously chosen OB. We are not overly demanding people, but enough is enough. Here's a run down of events leading us to ditch our doc... Trina went in to fill out paperwork so her medical records would be given to our new doc so we could begin our insemination process. Two weeks later she called to see if everything went through ok. They said she had forgotten to sign the release form so they didn't send it off. No call, no nothin, they just decided to push it aside. If Trina hadn't called to check in, we would've never known they hadn't sent it off. Without these records, we can't order sperm. Without sperm, we can't inseminate. Grrr. When she went back in the sign the piece of paper, she wrote down a few questions to be given to the Dr and was told she'd receive a call that afternoon with answers. That was Friday. On Monday she called the office to remind them she had questions and to leave her phone number again. It's now Thursday and we haven't heard from them. We're done. Our best friend had a great experience with her OB so we called and made a consultation appt for next Thursday. We're pretty excited. Our goal is to be pregnant and happy. Hopefully he's the guy that can accomplish that. :)