Things Uttered By My Wife Over the Past Few Days

-"*wretch* I can't stop! *wrech* See?? *wretch*"

-"This pregnancy thing is for the birds!"

-"It's not fair to puke while you're brushing your teeth because you have to start over! "

-"Do you think I would wreck the car if I'm too busy puking to drive?"

-*coming out of an impromptu shower with the most pitiful look on her face* "Vomit splashed back on me"

-"This nausea is ridiculously constant, can't I even just feel better for a minute??"

-"Pause the movie, I have to pee...and maybe vomit"

My poor wife is SO sick. She was barely vertical all day and already called in for tomorrow. I can't imagine how she's going to survive another 6 weeks of this. I wish there was something I could do for her but nothing seems to work. We've tried, saltines, S.ea Ban.ds, ginger ale, crystalized ginger, popsicles, eating every 2 hours, eating bland things, eating sour things, eating dairy, eating during the night, eating before even sitting up in the morning, nothing makes a difference. She was so pitiful and sad today she cried as she wretched into her constant companion, the "puke bucket" for about the bazillionth time. OK blogland, any suggestions? And don't say "meditate because it's all a state of mind" or "if you had a better attitude it wouldn't be so bad". I won't repeat the response those little bits of wisdom got from my miserable, green gilled wife.

6 Weeks

Today we got to see the babies' heartbeats. It was so amazing! It took 2 years, a miscarriage, 7 unmedicated ICI's, 3 Cl0mid IUI's, 2 injectable IUI's and IVF, but we finally got to see that fluttering miracle on screen. And we got to see it twice! Baby A is our overachiever measuring 6wks1day. Baby B is our slacker measuring 5wks6days. On the flip side, Baby B's heartbeat was much more visible. :)

Trina is officially miserable nearly 24hrs a day. She skipped morning sickness and went right to "round the clock sickness". Her appetite is a fickle thing. She has to eat small amounts every 2 or 3 hours to keep from getting sick, but if she eats one bite too many, it's all over. She keeps peanuts and saltines on her bedside table and frequently has to snack in the middle of the night to keep from starving to death before morning. As for cravings, I'd have to say that pickles still top the list but nearly everyday she "needs" one thing or another. Food aversions are making themselves known as well. She's thrown up her PB&J 2 days in a row now and I've been instructed not to even mention that particular sandwich in front of her ever again. Extreme fatigue is her other major pregnancy symptom. She's exhausted all the time and is having a real problem getting through her work days. It's not uncommon for her to get off work, take a nap on the couch, wake up for dinner then go to bed. Poor thing. Growing twins is hard work!

Seeing Double

See those two specks? Those are our babies! We're having twins. :) Today our beta was 3724 which means our doubling time is down to 40hrs. I guess they decided to wake up and grow. Today is a great day.

Beta #4

Sunday night I sat down at the beta-doubling calculator and started plugging in numbers. I'm always at work when I get the beta results and I hate having to wait to get home to see what our speed is. I catch myself wondering all day if it was faster or slower, or how much faster, what speed would be a good goal, is that too high an expectation...etc. To avoid these pointless mental olympics, I did the math the night before. :) I figured out what our number would be if we were at a 72 hour doubling time (the highest "normal range" speed), a 59 hour (where we were at) and 48 hour (the goal). That way I had some guidelines in place to prepare for the news I would be given. 1300=bad, 1500=good, 1900=great. Yesterday our beta was 1625. That means our little one is still getting faster. We're now down to a 54 hour doubling time. On top of that, Trina went for her first 24hr period with no spotting. All around it was a pretty good day. :)

Gaining Speed

Today our beta was 653. That brings our doubling time to around 59hrs. It's not perfect, but it is speeding up. Apparently giving black and white answers just isn't going to be this baby's style. I guess a "slow but steady" approach will just have to do. Our next beta is on Monday. Maybe we'll be in the low 50's by then. One can only hope...

More Grey Area...

Apparently solid reassurance is hard to come by. Today's beta was only 366. That leaves us with a doubling time of around 65hrs instead of the 48hrs you like to see. I was really hoping today's results would ease some of the emotional stress caused by the continued spotting. Our next beta is Friday. What are the odds it will bring irrefutable proof that everything is just peachy?

Emotional Rollercoaster

Trina continued to lightly cramp and spot Friday and Saturday. Sunday as I was finishing my work day, I got a call from Trina. She was crying. She had started bleeding and her cramps were getting worse. She'd called the "on call" nurse who had told her to lay down, drink water and call back if it didn't stop or it got worse. I rushed home with a feeling of dread in my gut. I asked if she'd POAS. She said she hadn't and didn't see the point since she knew she was losing it. We decided she'd POAS first thing in the morning. If it was positive we'd call the Dr office to see what we should do. We held each other and cried. Our faith in this cycle was completely gone. I tossed and turned all night. Questions filled my head and made sleep impossible. How could this have not worked? What are we going to do? How long until we can do an FET? How will we afford it? What if that doesn't work?

At 4am Trina woke me up and told me I was going to be a mom. She'd taken 2 tests and they were both positive. I asked her if she was still bleeding. She was, but not as much. I wasn't ready to revive my hope, but she seemed so happy so I kept my fears and negative thoughts to myself. We called the doctor's office as soon as they opened and explained the situation. The nurse said since the test was positive we could come in for a beta but not to get our hopes up. The number could be very low or dropping and still read positive on a HPT. We got ready and went straight in. When we got there, our nurse seemed to have completely switched gears. She was saying the bleeding was likely caused by a combination of implantation and Trina being on her feet for 5 hrs at work. She drew the blood, told Trina to stay on bed rest for the day and gave her a note calling for light duty when she returned to work. We would get a call around 3 with the results.

I hated leaving for work with everything so up in the air. We wouldn't be together when the results came in. What if they were bad and Trina was all alone? Would I be able to finish my shift or have a complete breakdown? All day I mentally prepared and bargained with myself. How low could the number be and still leave me with a sliver of hope? 100 would be nice. That's a nice strong singleton number for 9dp5dt. what about 60? Would 60 freak me out? How low a number shows up on the brand of HPT we used? The test line was only about half as dark as the control line so the number probably isn't very high. I could expect at least a 50 right??

At 3:38 I sent a text to Trina asking if there was any word. I knew if there had been, she would have called me immediately, but I was getting impatient. I was checking my cell constantly. A few minutes later I mindlessly answered the work phone and was greeted with "Congratulations it's 221!" My brain froze up. "What??" "221! Our beta is 221! We're having a baby!" I went into shock. I felt like crying or throwing up or both. I was SO not expecting that. Concentrating on work was hard after that call, but I made it through. We have our 2nd beta on Wed and our 3rd on Friday. I still haven't fully accepted that this might actually end well for us. I wish she'd stop bleeding. If tomorrow's beta doubles maybe I'll have some peace of mind. More than likely, I'll just start worrying about the next thing...